Online To Realtime
by Master Tatu There is a continuous discussion in the "online world" about meeting people that you have met online for real time fantasy play. There is a real need for specific safety guidelines to be followed by all, as we have all heard rumors and allegations of a someone being hurt or being accused of hurting someone. The primary concern normally is of someone being in a vulnerable position in role play getting hurt. But there is also a real concern of a others getting unjustly hurt in reputation, as unfortunately there are a few who make false allegations for some misguided reasons. Invariably when someone gets hurt, it can usually be traced to someone not using common sense and not following some safety steps something like those suggested that follow: STEP #1 Once you decide to meet offline for real time, you should completely check each other out by: 1. Getting at least 3-5 references from others in the community that know the person you want to play with. Ask known respected leaders in the community about this person. Ask in chat rooms. If there has ever been any problems it will come up. 2. Exchange IDs with each other. Make sure you have a photocopy of the other persons driver's license and your safe call has that info in hand. If this person refuses to fully identify themselves.... RUN. Anyone who is secretive for whatever reason, should be avoided. Anyone who tries to isolate you from your friends or take control of your life, is most likely a very dangerous person. RUN the other way. 3. Once you know the person's real name, birthdate and address... this may seem extreme, but anyone can go to their County Courthouse to the criminal clerk's office and get on the computer and input a name, birthdate, and discover if this person has been in any trouble with the law. As a matter of public record, you can see all the arrest records and even speeding tickets! This service is normally free, if you do the search yourself. 4. Another place online you can check out your dream Top or bottom is the Florida Department of Law Enforcement Website (http://www.fdle.state.fl.us/), where by state law all Sex Offenders and Sexual Predators are listed, complete with their address and photo. A new website that should be checked is the Florida Department of Corrections. (http://www.dc.state.fl.us/index.html). There you can find out if this person is currently on probation or parole and for what crimes. Many states have similar websites.
STEP #2 Fill out a Fantasy Negotiation/ Limits Checklist and exchange your responses, online.
*** At this stage you should be confiding in a trusted friend. It is often true that a 3rd party can see things that we can't, especially when we are in the throws of excitement with a potential play partner.
STEP #3 No Play at 1st public meeting: You should first meet publicly and in the open. Like a nice restaurant, or a mall food court. Both should arrange 2-3 "Safe Calls" beforehand and each let the other know about the safe calls. Your safe call should know where this meeting is, the address, time, etc. the expected times for the safe calls , as well as who to contact (friend, relative, police) if the safe call is not made. Make your 1st safe call when you arrive. Make note of the other persons car tag number and give it to your safe call for future reference if, God forbid it is needed.
Again, if the person you are going to meet refuses to give personal info etc, DON'T GO! If they are that secretive, something is amiss. Trust is the foundation to a good D/s relationship. If "he" plays the macho role and says such precautions are not needed, this is a person you must avoid, they are potentially a big danger to the community and you.
STEP #4 Assuming both parties want to pursue the encounter and have a second meeting, don't push play until you are ready. If you didn't discuss the Limits Checklist* at the first meeting, do it at this meeting. Again have 2-3 safe calls. It is imperative that you not be afraid to set boundaries and be sure and discuss code words such as:
Green - That's good keep going Yellow - Ease off what you are doing, its getting to close to my limit Red - Stop that particular activity (not the scene) "Mercy" - Stop the scene.
Again if the S/he says boundaries or code words are not necessary, and begins to BS you about trusting them... this person is dangerous. Don't even consider playing with this person.
STEP #5 Next plan to attend a public "Fantasy Role Play Club" together. There are more and more clubs of this type popping up across the USA and Europe that have a theme of S&M, BDSM, D/s, or Fetish dress. You possibly could meet at one of those styled clubs near where you live. If acceptable to both parties and the club, you might try a little light "play" in public first, with a trusted friend close by. STEP #6 If you meet for private "Play" of any kind, a neutral location is agreed upon. I would highly suggest you agree to include a trusted friend or mentor to be nearby. You should agree to play for no more that 1 hour with a safe call when you arrive and another exactly one hour later when. Finally a 3rd call should be made when you arrive safely at home.
A Few Additional Thoughts: Toys ... If you are going to get real personal with your fantasy role play, then the bottom really wants to be sure of the cleanliness of the toys, and the submissive should buy the toys. This is a must for toys that may be inserted inside the body. Never share vibrators, dildoes, butt plugs, gags... AIDS and other STDs, are a reality in our society. ALWAYS clean and disinfect your toys after use.
Finally there is discussion of using a "central reporting service" to identify bad Tops or obsessive bottoms. While on the surface this might seem like a good idea, it is filled with pitfalls. The legal implications and potential misuse of such a system are enormous. One must use common sense, follow steps like those outlined above & do your homework.
In South Florida, there is a not for profit support and education organization called SPICE . Everyone involved in DS role play in southeast florida should join. You should plan to attend any number of discussion groups like, SPICE's Off The Cuff, and social events like The Sistah Dinner, The Singles Mingle, Club Kink's AOL Meet-n-Greet and the Ft Lauderdale Munch where you can get involved, build relationships, communicate, and learn. If you do that you have done all anyone can reasonably do. .... Play Safe, Jimi Tatu
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