AFTERCARE:
Never Underestimate the importance
of negotiating this closing
ritual.
by subshevah
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Attentiveness – This
includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing, hugging, kissing, massaging, and
whispers. Free the bottom from bondage.
Have a change of clothing packed. Control body temperature. Get warmth
by: blankets, clothing, socks, slippers. Cool down by: drinking water, slowing
your pace, move to cooler location. Relax your muscles &
mind. If bottom is flying, cover
eyes from bright lights. Negotiate
beforehand what you will need.
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Fortify –
Your
body’s needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice, eating food, sugar,
medications, and nicotine. Clean up: use the rest room, wash your hands &
face, administer first aid to wounds and collect your
thoughts. Rest: a large amount
of energy was exerted & endorphins raging through the
body. Prepare beforehand how to give aftercare & clean
up the scene. 3rd
party aftercare? Know any medical
conditions for both Top and bottom.
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Transition –
A
huge Power Exchange took place.
Develop a way to Empower
yourself. Reclaim the power
dynamics within your relationship.
Refocus your temperament.
Find the balance in your roles.
Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body &
spirit. Allow different gear
speeds to drive you so that you can operate
smoothly. Feeling safe and secure
requires reestablishing your former protective walls and
defenses.
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Express
–
Giving
& showing gratitude to your partner(s) is paramount in emphasizing the
scene had meaning. Recognize
your appreciation for the hard work just
displayed. A heart felt “Thank You” goes a long
way. Acknowledge the importance
of your connection, which you just
shared. Affirm your care and
concern, be supportive and listen.
Consider what you can do for/to one another to ‘ritualize’
the ending of the scene. |
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Recovery –
It
takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one’s thoughts, and recuperate
in order to be independent again. Cognitive thinking, emotional stability,
and full motor functionality are all regained with time. The feeling of
abandonment is common if this necessary recovery period is
insufficient. When problems
occur and things go wrong; react quickly, decisively, and
assertively. Prepare your
options for scene breakers/stoppers.
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Communicate
–
Be
supportive and listen to each other.
Did you exchange contact information? Call, talk, email, visit, &
journal: within hours, days, weeks, and months.
1-800-Flowers.com. Determining
how much follow up is needed depends upon the depth of your scene & the
areas of the mind that was delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs
for both partners. Tops are
“psycho” not “physic” – share your feelings and
give them feedback. |
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Analyze
–
Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria, disappointments, regrets,
and pleasures. Assess your immediate
& long term needs. Did
you have an emotional release?
What did your tears or laughter
mean? Are you experiencing delayed “crashing”
– Top/sub drop? Tops &
bottoms can experience regrets and remorse for what just
happened. Do you need reassurance & validation for your
actions? Endorphin levels take
time to stabilize causing physiological
responses. Self-aftercare may be necessary if you don’t
get what you need from your partner.
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Reflect –
A
critical reflection upon the scene is a natural process and should be explored
by both players.
Were the expectations, goals, and/or limits
reached? Were they
realistic? Was the scene
effective? What elements could
be changed? What
“mental” barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention
to heal? Was the equipment used
adequate? If there was an audience,
were they affected? What precautions
should you take next time?
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Explore –
Future
possibilities to play again with this
person. Find ideas to be
researched. Determine which
skills to improve. Redefine
your don’t list and questions to
ask. Locate areas of uncomfortably
to avoid. What is on your wish
list? Don’t have the mindset
of “got to play-itis”.
What changes do you need to make with your
negotiations? Where are you
now? What have you
learned? Realize there is no
‘one’ standard for aftercare.
Make it what you need and what works for you and your
partner(s).
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© shevah~
6/04
Email:
subshevah@aol.com
Used by permission
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