| Coming
Out
By Master Tatu Different Loving Gloria Brame penned that well known book called "Different Loving". It speaks to the idea that not everyone is the same, people love differently. We don't have to all be alike, different things do it for different people, and that is OK. Once someone finds themselves a part of the "different loving" crowd, however, one is soon faced a question about who should know. Finding tremendous sexual liberation and freedom once one embraces their sexuality should be an ecstatic moment in one's life, however tremendous tension is often the result. One's sexuality should be something that is understood, embraced, and celebrated. Yet is just not that easy for many. The simple answer to who should know is easy. You and whoever you share your intimate adult space with. Beyond that it is nobody's business. If there was something that came from the Clinton - Lewinsky affair and the impeachment of President Clinton, it is clear that over 67% of American's do not care what people do in their adult sexual life in their own private space. We all watched that famous sitcom episode of "Ellen" when she came "out" to her family and friends about her being a lesbian. Gays and lesbians have faced this difficult and painful decision for decades. Today there is a high tolerance and understanding for gays and lesbians in society. We have come a long way, but not nearly enough. Lesbianism and female bisexuality seems to enjoy the most tolerance as heterosexuals find it strangely erotic in their fantasies. Yet gay men still suffer a much higher disrespect and harassment. To come out with ones sexuality is a very personal and intense struggle. Often it can mean the loss of job, friends, family, or custody of one's children. So the decision to come out is one that must not be taken lightly.
In Broward county Florida, a teacher and a couple of law enforcement officers lost their jobs after they were discovered to be participants in a local swingers club. Seems there are "morals" clauses in the contract of teachers and policemen in the state of Florida, that gives them the so called right to fire such people, for their private adult behaviors. It's better than it was 30 or 40 years ago, but we still live among fundamentalist, bigots, racist, and generally unenlightened people. Local politics and community pressures can be brutal to the point of destroying lives. It has been shown that the highest suicide rate among teenagers, happens to be among boys that are gay. Now we get to the S/M or D/s crowd... those of us into erotic power exchange. To some degree what we are and what we do is very in vogue. Alternative bedroom play is a big media market. Mainstream books have been written about it, popular music and music videos capture it for us to see and hear. One of the most highly acclaimed films of 2000 was "Quills", a tale of the Marquis de Sade.
Custody is another issue. While there are laws on the books that should guide judges from not making their decisions based solely on lifestyle, judges are human beings with their own religious or cultural backgrounds, so they bring to every decision their own subjective minds and sometimes even their agendas. So while the law basically says they should not, without much of an explanation, he can take custody away from an alternative lifestyle person in a heartbeat. Knowing fully that the primary consideration is supposed to be what environment is better for the children, who's taking care of them, etc... etc..... judges have prejudice. Probably most importantly, a parent should never flaunt their "adult" activities in front of the children, no matter what lifestyle you are involved in. Keep it behind closed and locked doors among only your intimate relationships.
One professional Domme who thought she was so enlightened and cool, made
the stupid mistake of living her lifestyle before her teenage son. Her
son happened to be pretty good with computers, and she elicited his assistance
with the construction of her website advertising her professional services.
Family Services found out and removed the teenage boy from the home. Lock your toys and lifestyle books and attire away Be assured that while you are not at home your teenager is going through every drawer and closet in the house. Their hormones are popping and they are curious about what mom and dad does. Don't leave those vibrators, S/M books and handcuffs in the dresser drawer.
Being Outed This is a painful thing. Sometimes it happens accidentally or unintentionally. A local attorney who was in the lifestyle, happened to be talking to a client of this author and accidentally outed me to this person. Well it wasn't the end of the world, as she was seeking the lifestyle, but it could have had very detrimental implications upon my life's work. Other times outing has been used as a tool for revenge, intimidation, or harassment. This happened to a lady in south Florida, where an unscrupulous man and his wife who turned out to be career felons and con-artists, outed her by sending pictures of her in a scene (which she had not given permission to be taken), to her estranged husband, causing a very long and very expensive custody battle, which joyfully I am happy to report she won, despite the efforts of these fakirs. While there is not heirarchy or structure in the BDSM community to deal with the con artists, they essentially ruined and disenfranchised themselves from the community, to the credit of the community at large, almost no one will have anything to do with them.
Summary So be careful about revealing your real name to others, your occupation, or other personal business. A lot of people just don't need to know your business and you never know what type of people you are dealing with. The decision to tell anyone about you, is your decision and your business. Be careful when you run into someone in the lifestyle you know at the local mall. The people that person is with may have any idea about their lifestyle, so the last thing they need to hear is "hi Mistress, thanks for the flogging Friday night". Be safe, play safe.
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