Judgmentalism In The Scene

by Master Tatu (12/98 revised 5/01)

It's hard to believe that in a supposed sexually liberated community as BDSM that judgmentalism would be a problem. Yet indeed it is. Just like christianity or all social groups, we have our "fundamentalists", who feel that their way is the only "right way" to do BDSM. This of course is absurd. There are many levels and combination of practices in the lifestyle. The very term itself, BDSM-Fetish should tell one this.

So if one expects others to accept their kinks, one must be willing to allow others their kinks. You may never fully understand or identify with what someone elses' kinks, role plays, practices are all about, you don't have to.

What is expected of all is tolerance and common courtesy. Without it a social group soon devours itself with petty encounters that mean nothing to anyone in the long run except to satisfy one's own ego. To be critical without meaningful caring conversation is just simply rude and smacks of someone with a deeper problem. We all have much to learn from each other if we are willing to talk.

Some years ago I took a course on world religions. One would have thought that the professor would have taught with prejudice for his own beliefs, but instead he stunned us as he led us to ask one question as we studied each religion and cult, "what can we learn from this group".  What that taught me was that I may not believe what a certain person or group believes, but that does not mean they don't have something to say that is useful and potentially meaningful to my life.

So there is no one right way to do anything. If there is one thing that draws perhaps the most criticism, is the whole idea of protocol.  I do not expect or desire everyone to adopt my protocols, and neither should others expect me to adopt theirs.  This is an artistic based lifestyle.  We should look to learn and appreciate the D/s Art that others express, and celebrate together as a community the beauty of the relationships around us.  Indeed if everyone did everything the same, I would be very disappointed.

The best and most respected have learned a large proportion of what they know and are skilled at by just watching, seeing the richness in others in what they do.

We would all do well to understand and adopt the concept of "unconditional positive regard", it is foundational to all that is love, and thereby all true caring and loving relationships....

Remember ......the key word is Courtesy.

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