Negotiating Your Scene
by Master Tatu In the Acrostic SSC (Safe Sane Consensual), there is the implied objective of two or more people having a wonderful time as consenting adults. In order to do that, the persons involved must have an understanding of each other and the other's needs, wants and desires; as well as what they absolutely do not want. In order to do this there must be effective communication, especially if you are just starting out. After people get to know each other, they tend to operate with more trust and freedom. In the beginning however one needs to think through what they are getting into. It is important for Tops, even if very experienced to guide the newer bottom into a good experience. We often use the terminology "Power Exchange". The bottom yields or surrenders power, the Top assumes power. But what does that mean? Some people use the term Total Power Exchange, but arguably nothing is total. So it is important to communicate or negotiate your playtime with the other person. Following this essay are a couple of Scene Negotiation checklists. One put together by me some years ago that is organized by category. It can be printed out and filled in by both Top and bottom and then should be discussed prior to play. A second checklist has been put together in Excel format so you can fill in the blanks online and email your completed file. This one is by subshevah and also asks questions not by category but in alphabetical order. Use one of them to your liking. I know, some of you will say this is boring or not necessary. After all these years I still use this, just so I can get to know what really is going on in the head of that potential play partner. I have had some of the most wonderful conversations with people, sitting down after completing it. Tops fill one out too, so that bottom knows where your head is. Fill them out for the personal safety issues that a responsible player should want to know about.
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