By Master Tatu
July 2001

There are times in the D/s ARts that one desires and seeks training from someone that has a skill or knowledge that we seek. Any wise individual would do so. Any one who wants to be all they aspire to be in life, will  seek those who they respect and sit at their feet and hopefully glean something of their wisdom and skill.

In Oriental cultures this seen when one "sits in the way" of another. A "Sensei" literally means, "one who has gone before another". Others look to that person as worthy of respect. We seek their counsel and instruction.

In the corporate world, "training" is a big thing. As technology rapidly changes, it is desirable to get appropriate training to advance self in the corporate structure.

Usually when we use the word "train" in connection with the D/s ARts, we think of a Dominant "training" a submissive. What do we mean by that? The other day I heard a Dominant discuss a potential submissive, asking, "is she trainable"?

When we use the word train in that sense we are using it as a verb and according to the dictionary it means:

     "to direct the growth of (a plant) usually. by bending, pruning, and tying"

     " to form by instruction, discipline, or drill"

     "to teach so as to make fit, qualified, or proficient"

     "to make prepared (as by exercise) for a test of skill"

     "to undergo instruction, discipline, or drill"

Yet "training" in D/s is not just about submissives.

While Dominants desire certain things about their submissives in style, posture, and response, these are external things. They are extremely important to many.

Yet we must remember our submissives are not dogs, they are lovely precious human gifts to us, and we train them in the sense of guiding them to be all they can seek and desire to be as person.

Training goes both ways and meaningful communication and setting of boundaries is a necessary part of D/s training.

Dominant Training:

Sometimes training involves the Dominants. You heard me correctly. Dominants need training. As a Dominant enters the lifestyle, several things can happen:

1) If he has a ton of ego, he will usually try and BS everyone into thinking he has all these wonderful skills. This is an easy route for the online dominant. He can be just about anything he wants to be behind a "screen name". But what happens when online becomes realtime. He is usually found out. The online sharks tear him apart, and offline he loses credibility in the local community.

2) If he is smart, he will be honest. He will just honestly say, I know my persona is Dominant, but I am unskilled in the D/s ARts. He will say, I am learning. He will seek out mentors and/ or trainers to help him and offer no BS. This man will rise and be respected in the community in time.

Submissive Training

Here it gets a little sticky. The submissive can be very vulnerable with this, even prey of the unscrupulous Dominant. It must be said here at this point that D/s is being used by those who are looking for a "quick and lay".  Who more vulnerable than a young unknowledgable submissive, usually but not always female, with stars in their eyes, looking up at someone who calls himself Master, and all your fantasies explode in you as you say "Sir".  

If a female submissive seeks training from a male Dominant, be sure and check him out in the community. Training should NOT include sexual intercourse. If he's wanting to train you with orgasm control or show you all about anal pleasure... wise up and run.

Just as with mentoring, training often for female submissives is safer and best done by another female submissive. Look around your local club and see what submissives have the kind of poise and demeanor you aspire to have, and seek their counsel.

The Dominant Trains His own Submissive

Ultimately, no matter what, when you find your Dominant and he puts a collar on your neck, he will want to do his own "training". He may employ the skills of a trusted friend to assist in training, but normally that "assistance" has nothing to do with anything "sexual".

The Dominant will take the time to communicate and explore desires actions and responses. Regardless of what anyone tells you, all things are negotiable. So talk. Find the erotic exchange of power that meets both of your needs, and have fun with it.

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